if i had the ability to turn back time.. i'd go back to my j1 days. and not act like the selfish, self-centred brat i was.

for all the wonders of j1. it was an emotionally barren year. i basically lived in my own bubble. just ignoring things i didn't want to face. i pretended that there was nothing wrong. i refused to be cooperative, i refused to help, i never wanted to be there. thankfully, she never requested i be there either. though i know she must have wanted me there. and i pretended i didn't see all that was happening. it felt so surreal.

i think the only thing i did was buy that scarf. hah. what a joke.

looking back. i really feel so ashamed of myself. so sorry. so regretful. and there's so much i want to say to her. but i know i will never get the words out of my mouth. never know how to apologise. so all i can do now, is to make up for it. in every way i can.

sighs, triggered off by smthing jie wrote. something really well written. love you.